User:Altair808
Contents
altair808
I'm in the Forgot Poland Army. I make a lot of sites about bob Seger and his death-ness that he spreads around, never ceasing to mention Howard Hughes and his contributions to everything I've ever done ever.
| altair808 | |
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| Join date August 21, 2005 | |
| Birthdate unknown | |
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| ...as of August 21, 2005 | |
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Music and 20th Century icon References
Often, for reasons unknown to even myself, I tend to reference any song, band, or single musician that I can relate to whatever it is I'm doing.
About Me
I don't have anything to say...................... There. There's an awkward silence for all two people that will actually read this.....Hmm.. Oh! Did I mention that I got some Tissue Box Shoes the other day? January 23 is my birthday, so 3 days ago was a blast. We ate, drank, and made merry. David Cross and Bob Odenkirk came over and gave me a gun and some bullets. I loaded a clip and unwinded on my skull. Every shot missed though, because it turns out that it was a butter knife and David and Bob were really a lamp and a trash bin.
The Epic of Altair
All began with the ending of the Trojan War when I brilliantly smuggled a shit load of soldiers into Troy in my enormous penis. Afterwards, as opposed to piercing Achilles heel with an arrow, I crushed his entire body with the same penis that began our victory over Troy. When we finally took the city, I summoned the men together and rode home on my Tyrannosaurus Rex that has a laser on it and then hooked up with Artie to beat up the ocean.
Many years passed and I needed rest. However, Captain Planet was threatening the Motherland and had to be stopped. I summoned my second in command, the beautiful Ursula von Thunderpussy and was able to make Planet's head literally explode just by waving my finger at him. Then, me and Ursula did it right afterwards, at the same spot.
Then there was the time I traveled into the past and killed the dreaded Captain Blackbeard and his hoard of "scurvy dogs" with a handful of blank CD-R's, the time I farted in international waters and it became what was later known as Hurricane Katrina, the time I canceled out a nuclear winter with my extremely powerful fire breath(And at such a speed and rate, no one ever found out a nuclear winter ever happened), and also the time I broke the world's strongest form of metal with my eyelids.
Some other stuff happened, but that story is for another day. Me and Ursula von Thunderpussy are still together, by the way.
Bob Seger AKA The one you call God
The Man
Bob Seger is probably the penultimate reason that we all die someday. Based on his music, I can honestly tell you that, in reality, Bob Seger is an immortal samurai warrior doomed to walk the earth in perpetual unrest until he kills 1,000 evil men. Instead, he generally just ends up killing people. With his Silver Bullet Band, he travels far and wide across the U.S. and spreads death with his heartland rock of chaotic justice. It is in this, that the deaths to be accounted for are also including an equally enormous ammount of innocent, good people, as opposed to the dastardly men he's charged with killing(The dastardly WOMEN are forced to watch him make love to several other beautiful women until they die inside, having lost hope of ever doing a Shakedown on his American Storm, and are then killed). They are rivaled in every aspect, however, by Geddy Lee and the other members of Rush.
Howard Hughes
The Man
Howard Hughes created, pantented, and registered the trademark on Howard Hughes' Tissue Box Shoes. Howard Hughes repeated himself often. Did you ever see that movie The Aviator? THE WAY OF THE FUTURE. THE WAY OF THE FUTURE. THE WAY OF THE FUTURE. THE WAY OF THE FUTURE. THE WAY OF THE FUTURE. THE WAY OF THE FUTURE. THE WAY OF THE FUTURE.
The Way of the Future
Show me all the blueprints. Show me all the blueprints. Show me all the blueprints... show me all the blueprints... show me all the blueprints... show me all the blueprints...
Ava Gardner
Research suggests that she's not one of Howard Hughes' teenage whores, or some "damn airplane".
Spam
$10,000 for a ticket to the Superbowl
The French song "Alouette", though it is regarded as a nursery rhyme, is actually a butcher song about cuttting up a "lark".
eXCERPTS FROM THE SCRIPT OF THE MOVIE sIMON bERCH
Simon: I've been thinking. Joe: Yeah? Simon: Last year we were in the squirt league, and this year we're in the pewee. Joe: So? Simon: So what do they want us to do, play baseball or urinate? Anyway, I was just thinking. Adult Joe Wenteworth: Time is a monster that cannot be reasoned with. It responds like a snail to our impatience, then it races like a gazelle when you can't catch a breath. Simon: You're already a bastard. Might as well be an enlightened one. Simon: I'm a miracle you know. Joe: Yeah, yeah, yeah. Simon: She's so sexy that sometimes I forget she's someone's mother. Joe: Well, what if I said the same thing about your mother? Simon: I'd have you committed. Simon: If God's made the church bake sale a priority, we're in a lot of trouble. Simon: What I want to do and what I do are two separate things. If we all went around doing what we wanted all the time, there'd be chaos. Simon: Your mother is so sexy, sometimes I forget she's someone's mother. Joe: What if I said the same thing about your mother? Simon: I'd have you committed. Adult Joe Wenteworth: [voiceover] I am doomed to remember a boy with a wrecked voice, not because of his voice, or because he was the smallest person I ever knew, or even because he was the instrument of my mother's death, but because he is the reason I believe in God. What faith I have, I owe to Simon Birch, the boy I grew up with in Gravedown, Maine. Joe: I have faith. I just need proof to back it up. Simon: I said, what does coffee and donuts have to do with God? Rev. Russell: They're merely refreshments so people can socialize and talk about up coming events. Simon: Who ever said church needs a continental breakfast? Rev. Russell: What are you doing sitting in a corner Simon? Simon: Thinking about God. Rev. Russell: In a corner? Simon: Faith is not in a floor plan. Joe: My balls just turned to marbles! Simon: Mine just turned to BBs! Simon: It's the *Virgin* Mary, Eddie. What does Joseph have to do with anything? Simon: Ahh! It's a horse! Simon: I don't think God's plan includes breaking and entering. Simon: I don't see how pork chops could lead to intercourse, no matter how good they are. Simon: I look like a burn victim. Simon: Boobs! Miss Leavy: The Star of Bethlehem is not a piñata! Simon: Now get over there with the other flying monkeys, where you belong. Miss Leavy: The Virgin Mary does not chew gum. Adult Joe Wenteworth: Ben Goodrich legally adopted me just two days before my 13th birthday. Not a day that goes by that I don't thank God for bringing him into my life. With Simon's help, I had finally found my real father. Simon Birch: Sex makes people crazy. Simon Birch: Thank you Miss Wenteworth. Rebecca Wenteworth: You know what Simon? Thank you. Simon Birch: I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Adult Joe Wenteworth: When someone you love dies, you don't lose them all at once. You lose them in pieces over time, like how the mail stops coming. What I remember most to this day was my mother's scent and how I hated it when it began to disappear. First from her closets, then from her dresses she had sewn herself and then finally from her bedsheets and pillow cases. Simon and I never talked much about that day on the baseball field. It was too painful for both of us. For as much as I loved my mother, I knew that Simon loved her just as much. She was the only real mother he ever had. Joe: Jesus, Simon, you look like shit. Miss Leavy: [reading off remaining roles for the Christmas play] ... Well, there's the shepherds, but they don't do much - [Everyone's hands spring up instantaneously] Adult Joe Wenteworth: [voicecover] Miss Leavy always tried to downplay the role of the shepherds, but we weren't fooled. We knew that all you had to do was stand there with a staff and try not to laugh at all the poor fools with speaking parts. Joe: Hey, your son is not a screw up, he's a hero. Mr. Birch: What? Joe: I said he's a hero. And you don't deserve him. I want you to know that.
A DETAILED description of my non-existent refrigerator magnet collection
My collection consists of a killer whale magnet of indeterminable origin, several salmon and eagle magnets I got in Alaska, my Little Caesar's magnet, pictures of my family, and several inspirational ceiling fan shaped magnets, all of which hold up the drawrings i make every day.
ASCII Sodomy Time!!!
B=8 , B8 B=8 , B8 B=8 , B8 B=8 , B8 B=8 , B8 B=8 , B8 B=8 , B8 B=8 , B8 B=8 , B8
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